"Can't Complain"

You know what I can't stand? When you ask someone how they're doing, and they say, "can't complain."

Come on people, everyone can complain. There's always something to vent about. The humid weather, your mother-in-law, the newest chumra of the week, the shleppy baal tefilah. If you choose not to complain, then, as my Dad would say, kol hakavod to you. But don't lie and tell me you can't complain!

But of course, a more accurate answer like "won't complain" would be way too vague. If I ask how you are, I want to hear "good," "bad" or whatever. I have no interest in your choice not to complain. And once you're avoiding the question anyway, why not just say "Baruch Hashem" like many others out there?

I guess everyone is sick of the age-old question "how are you?" and are too busy trying to get clever. But when you see your buddy you haven't spoken to in months, what the heck else are you supposed to start the conversation with? Current events? "What did you think about David Blaine?" And if the guy isn't following, you have to explain the whole thing to him and get a look like you've lost your mind. Talk about the weather? To me, that's just a nice way of saying "I have nothing to say to you."

For better or worse, there's no decent alternative to "how are you?" So just suck it up and answer the question! If I want you to be funny, I'll attempt to start a real conversation with you, thank you very much.