Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Friday, August 13, 2004

Another Argument for BS: Putting the Ball in Your Court

I was discussing this issue with a friend of mine, and he presented another argument in terms of BSing. He basically said that by BSing on the first date, putting on a good show and not showing too much of your personality, you're increasing your chances of getting the "yes" and that way give yourself some more leverage and "power" in the relationship.

After all, there are certain norms that are expected on the first date. You show up in a suit, the parents sit you down and interrogate you, and you kiss up and play along. It's a formal atmosphere, and acting formally is what's expected. Sometimes it's kind like a business meeting or interview. You'll let a little bit of your personality show, but you certainly won't be yourself.

My take? I think it depends upon a few factors. We're assuming that the guy and girl are taking the first date as seriously as everyone else. Sometimes, there can be a mutual feeling of "alright, cut the crap" and then everyone will just be themselves. And one person i know specifically asked for a casual first date. So if it's a casual atmosphere we're looking at, then if someone acts a bit wacky on the date, then that will not be held against him as much as it would on a formal date. Besides, the whole "First Date: Casual or Formal" issue is a blog in and of itself. Don't be surprised to see that one up here soon.

Also, it depends upon how strong and unique the guy or girl's personality is. You have some people who are really quirky, have strong opinions, unusual senses of humor, and other traits that, if the average bystander casually saw, would lead them to think that this guy is nuts. And there are those who are more pareve. Okay, they have their set of beliefs and interests, but they have a more mainstream personality.

Some may say, "what do you mean? Everybody's different!" True, but some people just do whatever is normal and expected by others, and avoid anything that will make them stick out. So there isn't much to them. And even those with more unique traits may not be as expressive or outspoken as others.

Anyway, this distinction is important in that someone with a more pareve personality can get away with being themselves on a date. Nobody's gonna think they're a wack-job or anything like that. But if someone is quirky to the point where they might give off that impression, then the argument for putting the ball in your court holds more water.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i still don't think it's true. Sorry for being presumptuous in previous post, though I am not certain that you are not guilty of this yourself.

-Alyss

2:47 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Informal first dates are only for those who can handle them. There needs to be a certain level of confidence to hold the no BS factor. If someone's insecure, no matter where the date is, s/he will not act him/herself, because s/he is afriad to make the wrong impression.
Also, not everyone appreciates no BS. I do, because I don't BS myself. Others are victims of image-itis, and they might prefer to BS. But normal people, like me and you, Isaac, hate BS, don't BS, and don't want our dates to BS. So be yourself, people. It's ok to admit you enjoy listening to Eminem.Maybe the other one will too. If not, s/he will take that as an honest admission, and do what s/he wants with it.

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