Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Friday, November 03, 2006

Things That Have Jumped The Shark Since the 90's, Part 1

Ah, the 90's. It's been just a few years, and not surprisingly, many things are still the same. The internet is still huge as ever, with Google, MySpace, and YouTube giving tech a small comeback. Cellphones, too, are here to stay. Hillary Clinton is still one of the most powerful and influential women in America, as is Oprah. Rush Limbaugh is still the king of political talk radio. And you still hear a Seinfeld or Friends reference come up in everyday conversation.

But some things have fallen off since then. Big time. Here goes:

1) The New York Knicks - when was the last time you saw a bunch of hotshot Yeshiva high school kids chanting "go New York go New York go"? Yeah, I can't remember either. And nobody's cared about the Rangers since '94, while we're at it.

2) Dedi - everyone was so crazy over the guy back in the day. Now it's all about Shwekey and Lisa Schmeltzer. I guess in this century, Sfardim and Chassidim are cooler than Israelis. And Dedi's breakup with Yossi Green was a huge factor here.

3) Hilfigers - I remember when there were crowds waiting outside the door to get into the Hilfiger outlets in Woodbury Commons. Now, nobody's in there, except for the people from countries that are ten years behind on every trend. Was that BS email about his anti-semitic rant on Oprah what did him in?

4) The Expos - Larry Walker, Delino DeShields, Pedro Martinez, John Wetteland, Vlad Guerrero and so many others.These guys were supposed to be good, real good. Then the strike hit, and Montreal died a slow, painful death. Thanks, Bud (and George).

5) Grunge rock - I think rap did them in. Or maybe it was Kurt Cobain's suicide. Many of these bands still exist in some form, like Audioslave (Soundgarden and Rage) and Velvet Revolver (GNR and STP), but nobody really cares. One of my favorites, the Gin Blossoms, put out an album this summer. Nobody noticed.

6) Netscape - who even uses this browser anymore? Between IE and Firefox, they're done. At one point, they were the Pepsi to IE's Coke. Now, they're RC Cola at best.

7) Big round gold-framed glasses - Plastic frames have made a big comeback, but these guys haven't. And I have a feeling they won't be coming back anytime soon.

8) MTV and VH1 - In the 90's, they occasionally showed videos. I especially miss Pop-Up Video and Divas Live.

9) Law and Order - Jumped the shark after they put the ditzy Elisabeth Rohm on there. (Angie Harmon was my favorite ADA.) And since Orbach left, forget it. Looks like SVU and CI are Dick Wolf's only hopes.

10) Mark McGwire - I still remember watching Trachsel give up that now infamous homer, and then seeing McGwire hug his kid, Sosa running in from right field, and the embrace with the Maris family. Big Mac was on top of the world. As late as 2001, if you would've told me the Cardinals would make the World Series and McGwire's name would totally go unmentioned, I would've thought you were outta your box.

11) Abie Rotenberg - He had the Marvelous Midos Machine and kumsitz classics "Hamalach" and "Acheinu" (both overrated, but whatever). Aish was pretty good too. But all his stuff from the past few years is horrendous. Name me the last time you were at a wedding and heard an Abie song post-1997.

12) Discmans - thank Steve Jobs for that one. I feel like an idiot for spending 180 bucks on one of these dinosaurs, not long after my bar mitzvah.

13) Dougie's - once the hottest restaurant in Manhattan. I remember exactly when it jumped the shark - our whole family went to the Brooklyn restuarant right after it opened, we couldn't wait to hit the ribs and wings -- and the food turned out to be nothing special. Then the other branches' food (including the original one) got lousy, too. The franchises live on, of course, but that destination on W. 72nd St. is no longer.

14) Wuss music - Yes, I miss Richard Marx, Bryan Adams, and Michael Bolton. And "Walking In Memphis" by Marc Cohn is one of my all-time faves. The hand-wringers got upset about the "Christian" line in that one.

15) Double-breasted suits - they have about five of these left on the racks at Syms. I wouldn't be caught dead in one. And to think that so many of us thought when single-breasted came back in the late 90's, they were merely a passing fad.

There's more to come, but I'm open to suggestions from the commenters.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

(16) Yeshiva Tiferes Torah
(17) Ultimatum Clothing
(18) Big banded hats (big pinches, too)

(#7 made me laugh out loud)

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(19) Fox Sports Net.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

(20) Orthodox Judaism in Brooklyn---or was that even earlier.
(21) Friends (the series)
(22) 7th Heaven

10:39 PM  
Blogger Karl said...

I never found Dedi to be such a big hit in my 'hood. I think double breasted suits will be back in fashion soon, as well as "big banded" hats.

10:12 PM  

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