Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Why Monsey?

Who remembers when it all began
Out here in no man's land
Before they passed the master plan
Out here in no man's land

- Billy Joel

I hate Monsey. I can't stand the place. I have nothing against the people. Fine, wonderful people live there.

But why did people have to start a large frum community in middle of nowhere? Why do all the people from Brooklyn, Queens, and Long Island have to spend at least an hour plus to get there? Why does every trip to The Atrium or Ateres Charna take forever?

I have no problem with Englewood, Teaneck, or Bergenfield. Right off the GWB? I can live with that. Passaic and Edison aren't too bad, either. And Long Island is pretty close to everywhere, although the Van Wyck and the LIE are bad news. But to Monsey, it's the West Side Highway or Grand Central to the GWB, the whole Palisades, then the Thruway, then Route 59... it's crazy!

And good luck finding your destination with those one-inch street signs. Which idiot decided that a town can only be considered suburban if the street signs are impossible to read?

Let's face it. Route 59 is a disaster. There's always traffic on there. Always. Why the heck is it one lane wide? And all those hills don't help the cause, either. I hate it when you get off the Thruway, think you're finally there, and then have to sit through 20 minutes of traffic on 59!

Why couldn't people just settle in Yonkers? Or someplace closer to NYC? Why Monsey? Why in middle of nowhere, yet still close enough that we're all obligated to go to simchas and to pick up girls there for dates?

That's the worst, dating in Monsey. You can't take the girl anywhere in Monsey, because everyone's gonna see her. So you have to go elsewhere. Okay, for the first date you go to a hotel lounge, whatever. But after that, what do you do? Spend an hour going back to Manhattan for a decent restaurant? Gimme a break.

And it doesn't get much worse than driving down the pitch-black Palisades Parkway after dropping off a girl, still fuming over a date from hell. And still miles away from home.

2 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

Well--it's near Monroe, isn't it?

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Burry Katz said...

Some people like the fact that it's way out there. One of my friends from Brooklyn moved there and loves it. He hates coming back to his hometown (and not just because he might run into me).

11:48 AM  

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