Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Middle-Aged Men With Cool-Guy Glasses

After a weekend in my parents' Flatbush-filled summer community, I saw something that's simply gotta go: 50-year old men with cool-guy glasses. You know, the ones where the side bars are 3 inches thick, or where the whole thing is made out of plastic. Or where they do something wacky with the colors, or the design. I mean, are these guys watching too many Devil Rays games or something?

It's one thing to be young and wear cool guy glasses. I can't stand how some of these guys think they're hot s--- for having those glasses, but you know what? They actually look good on a lot of people. It adds something to their face, and they even look half-normal with them on.

But when you're talking about a middle-aged man with a beer keg for a stomach, and a combover that's spread out like the Chinese fan I got for giving $5 to Chinuch Atzmai in 3rd grade, you're telling me that's normal? The guy looks totally uncool, and he thinks that a pair of plastic glasses will change everything? Suddenly, he'll be COOL, and all the 20-year olds will start shmoozing with him during davening? Gimme a break! Maybe after Weight Watchers, Rogaine, and Botox, he'll stand a chance.

I know, one day I might G-d forbid be a nerdy-looking 45-year old. And you know what? I'll be wearing the same plain pair of glasses I have on right now.

If someone's going through a midlife crisis, let them drive a convertible or go rollerblading in the park. I've got no problem with that. But these guys walking around with their nutty glasses look just plain goofy.

-- Another great cover: "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting," by the Who. I like Daltrey's vocals better than Elton John's. Plus, all the homophobics out there can now enjoy a very good song.


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