Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Friday, December 01, 2006

Picky Guys

Occasionally, you'll come across a guy who's a little older (say, over 27) and not married. Why not? Because he wants a girl who's not just "very pretty." She has to be beautiful. On a scale of 1 to 10, she's gotta be a 20.

And some picky guys take pride in having such an attitude. "I can't settle for anything less." "Any girl who marries me HAS to be beautiful." It's as if the guy is saying, anyone who isn't a supermodel doesn't deserve to marry me. I can only go for the kind of girls that celebrities and athletes end up with. Then you have those who say, "I'm simply not attracted to any girl who isn't stunning." As if it's not their fault, it's just the way they are by nature. Please.

I think these guys are full of it. And one of three things is going on there.

1) The guy is insecure. VERY insecure. He's worried about what everyone's gonna think at his l'chaim, or what people will say if the pictures get posted on Only Simchas. So the idiot doesn't even like the girl because HE finds her attractive; rather, it's all about what OTHER people find attractive. How pathetic. And it's not even the girl's personality that the guy is worried about, or her middos, or their chemistry. It's all about what everyone else will say.

For a more extensive discussion, I highly recommend Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin's discussion of the issue. His article is a must-read for anyone trying to make sense of the current shidduch crisis.

2) It could be that such a guy is a homo. I think anyone with some taavas noshim will go for most girls. Now, I don't expect most guys to be as wild as Bill Clinton and go for the likes of Paula Jones or Monica Lewinsky. But when it comes down to it, the majority of girls out there are attractive. And a little makeup and the right clothes can help most people. Plus, if you enjoy someone's company, the looks just keep growing on you. So if someone can go out with a girl who's a "7" (on a scale of 1-10), enjoy their company, and still not feel attracted, then something else must be the issue.

And interestingly, homosexuality might stem from the same causes as the insecurities discussed in paragraph 1. See Dr. Sorotzkin's site for more.

3) A lot of it might just be immaturity, especially when you're dealing with a 21-year old guy on the market. Many guys who have just started dating often don't know what they're looking for in a girl, what they want out of life, what their goals are, etc. But when it comes to guys in this category, they often come to their senses within a few years. Like most people, they grow up. They realize that looks are not what it's all about, and they start focusing on more important factors in a potential mate. But when you're talking about a guy who's 29 and still is super-picky, they're probably in the first two categories above. Then again, some people never grow up.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

well! while it might be true what u have mentioned, these things aren't applied on all guys.
Personally, I like to look at beautiful faces all time to enjoy the creation of nature and look at the fit bodies not obese or overweight ones that are not natural.
However, personality is important as much as beauty. So both are important. For me if I found these 2 things in one girl I would be happy. Especially if I am fit and tryin to look attractive and healthy so it is not fair to get opposite girls.
Sorry mate, I am a picky guy but not too much, my girl should meet the same level of mine. And If I was Bill Clinton I would do the same cos most girls he had sex with were sexy and attractive especially the last one.

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think another reason you failed to mention is the male might be overly picky so that he can reject the girl before she rejects him. If he doesn't even give her a chance to reject him because he has already "beat her to the punch" well then he can still keep his dignity and sense of self-worth. Interesting, right?

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

6:07 PM  
Anonymous cef said...

i am very picky about how a girl looks,i more or less don't care about how smart,funny,rich she is.For a girl to by worthy of my attention she has to be beautifull,pretty will do( 8 and up on ur scale).I dont have anything against average girls,but simply i find that sucha girl doesn't excite at all(i cant have sex with her so no relationship possible).It also has to do with the fact that my country,Romania is well known for it;s gorgeous women, so i think that in a typical romanian couple it is logical that the girl is above the guys league( im a 8 guy ) so i im perfectly justified to go only for hot young (22) but i do know what i am looking for in a girl,not insecure.I always was picky ( i rejected a few girls in my junior high period because of this).I know it sounds weird,because most guys would bang anything they can get into bed,but not me:))I consider men and women equal(no sexism) so i am as picky as few girls are.

7:13 PM  

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