The Making Of The Apathetic

There are a lot of frum Jews in my community that, at first glance, don't seem to fit any of the common categories of Orthodox Jewry. The men play poker, see plenty of movies, and the women often straddle the fine line of tznius. So maybe they're MO? Chas V'Shalom! On Shabbos, they're walking the street with their big black hats covering their velvet (no srugies!!) yarmulkas. The kids can only go to yeshivos where the rabbeim are chareidi, lest the children be tainted with krum hashkafos. So now they sound chareidi, right? Yeah, but the movies and the cable don't go with that.

Some call these people "Centrists." Others call them "Chareidi Lite." My moniker for them? "Frum apathetic." I think they, more than other group out there, simply go through the motions of frumkeit. Sure the men may daven and go to a daf shiur, they only eat kosher and will never, ever use the Flatbush eiruv, but they feel no passion for yiddishkeit. No spirituality, none at all. And they seem pretty unhappy.

How does that happen? How does a kid who only went to the best yeshivos turn out to do all the mitzvos, but feel no passion about yiddishkeit.

It's a complicated topic, probably a two-parter, but I blame the doom-and-gloom rabbeim. The ones that make God out to be a tyrant. The ones that tell you that once you do certain aveiros, you're screwed for life and going straight to hell. (Oddly enough, many of those rabbeim don't tell you that one of the reasons for the tochacha was due to not serving God with simcha.) The ones who say that working for a living is a backup plan.

In many cases, it's an approach to frumkeit that's very frum, but without any margin for error. It's devoid of any joy, happiness, or feeling. And if you screw up once, there has to be an overwhelming feeling of guilt.

So let's say you don't have the self-control to avoid doing aveiros and the discipline to sit and learn all day? Well, you're guilty! And the best way to deal with the guilt? Just stop giving damn. Don't worry about this stuff. Have a good time, go to minyan so you get a good shidduch, and do what you enjoy.

I often heard people jokingly say, "I'm gonna go to hell anyway, so why should I care about...?" Yeah it's a joke, but unfortunately, the corny cliche of "there's truth to every joke" sadly applies here.

The counter-argument is, what's wrong with the rabbis laying it all on the table? Besides, is it better to have the kids feel happy about yiddishkeit, but at the same time embracing their taavos and not being taught to be careful about various halachos?

I have what to say about that, and that's for another time.