Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Ripping the Shidduch System

Well, Chananya Weissman is at it again, ripping apart the shidduch system, instead calling for a system of "natural meeting."

I've been through the shidduch system for a few years now, and I have a few beefs with it, but overall, it's a very effective system.

After all, for all the talk of the "shidduch crisis," the fact is that the system works for most people. People like Weissman focus only on all the horror stories and all the problems with the system, but they don't give a fair and balanced picture of it. You go to onlysimchas on an average night, and many of the engagements there were a result of shidduchim.

Like every system out there, it has its flaws. And I'll admit that it's not for everyone. Plus, like everything else out there, it's subject to abuse. So there are people out there who ask ridiculous questions and who dump guys for not wearing a suit. But if the system is used with some common sense, then shidduchim don't have to be as crazy as they often are.

And for those who complain that shidduch meetings are awkward- just loosen up! Life is full of awkward moments. When you get a new job and meet everyone for the first time - it's awkward. Using a pick-up line on some girl at a bar - awkward. Just chill out, develop some confidence, and get over it.

- And the argument I always make is, okay, you have a problem with the shidduch system? Find me a better alternative.

The majority of people on the shidduch scene are guys and girls who have gone to separate-sex yeshivos, (and some even having gone to seperate colleges like Touro) and have zero experience talking to a member of the opposite sex. That alone makes things awkward. Plus, the heterophobia taught by the yeshivos and sems doesn't help the cause. So to expect these same people to meet a girl on their own is simply unrealistic.

That's my biggest beef with Weissman's piece. He has no plan of how to implement a practical method of "natural meeting," especially for the right-wingers.

If I had to give one piece of advice to a prospective dater, it would be "have fun, and don't take this crap too seriously." And that's something that can work for anyone, no matter what circle of frumkeit they're in.


Post a Comment

<< Home