Isaac Kaplan

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?"

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Pink Shirts and the Metrosexualization of Orthodox Jewry

Pink. It's everywhere now. I was listening to Paul Harvey recently, and he was talking about how pink shoes have become a hot item for many men! What's next, skirts? Eh, what do you expect, but the further slouching towards Gomorrah of the Western world.

But when I walked into shul recently and saw a guy with a pink shirt, that was just too much for me. It just grossed me out. I've seen pink ties, and I've seen the looks on these guys' faces like "I'm cool because I'm wearing a flashy tie" or "Compliment me! Please! Make my day!" The pink ties are tolerable; they're not too bad. But the shirts! I don't care if it's in style; the stuff is just too damn feminine. If you wanna dress nicely, there's definitely something to be said for that. The gemara ripping the talmid chacham with the stain on his shirt immediately comes to mind. But I don't think Chazal would be too crazy about pink shirts.

Well, what exactly is a metrosexual, anyway? I checked it up, and here's the definition:

metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

These guys certainly fit the bill. And there are just way too many of them out there. Maybe the yeshivish have a point with the "white-shirts only" shittoh.

Another thing that ticks me off are guys that are into their physique. We always had guys like that in high school. They'd be working on their six-pack or they'd have you feel their rock-hard bicep. Get a life, all of you! What do they think they're doing, trying to get a modeling job with Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah, I'm sure that'll help their shidduch cause. Then there was this guy who would walk around the dorm shirtless to show off. Pathetic.

And anyone who has a "don't touch my hair rule," (or a hairstyle that screams that) I'm sorry, but he's just plain fruity. Stay away.

And don't get me started on my pleats g'mach. I know way too many people who could certainly use it. Scary.

Further definition (thanks to

"A metrosexual, in case you didn't catch any of several newspaper articles about this developing phenomenon (or the recent "South Park" episode on Comedy Central), is a straight man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them "products"), loves clothes and the very act of shopping for them, and describes himself as sensitive and romantic. In other words, he is a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation."

I guess it's hard for the hip/cool/Flatbushy frum crowd to overcome the new fads and trends of the goyishe velt. Many of us wanna be like them. But sometimes, you just have to draw the line. And pink shirts and other gay paraphenelia are certainly past the line. Straighten out, cool guys!


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